Saying Goodbye

My family is about to make one of the biggest transitions of our lives so far, and none of us can fully grasp it. We are so thankful and happy to be going but goodbyes are always hard. In these last days leading up to our trip, I can see the confusion and stress showing on their little faces and coming out in their words and actions. I am doing my best to help them enjoy where we are but also look forward to where we are going. “We love Congo but America is going to be so fun too!” I’m trying to help them get ready and make the transition as easy as possible. I’ve read books about bilingual kids and missionary kids and third culture kids and I sure hope I’m doing this right.

I’ve let them choose (as much as possible) which books, toys and stuffed animals they want to bring and which ones they are okay with leaving behind. But they don’t even know what that means. Today Molly said, “I’ll leave the nativity scene behind so I don’t lose it.” What 4-year-old can fathom two years from now? I hear that its helpful to have the kids be involved with the packing and allow them to make some small decisions themselves. It helps them “feel a sense of control,” they say. Who is in control anyway? And I can’t pack everything.

I’m nervous and excited and a little worried about all of us. And what about my husband? Is he going to be okay? Will he like it? Will he just be so overwhelmed? How will this change our family? I hope it’s for the better. I hope that our marriage will be strengthened and our family made closer and that we will learn to trust God more. I hope we can have a rest from some of the hardest things about living in this country. I am floundering without community and the spiritual warfare is wearing us down. I am tired of robberies and water shortages and heat. I tell myself that it will be so nice to have a rest. But I know I will miss it too.

My girls have pieces of both worlds, and in some ways they live in both worlds in their daily life. They speak two languages and are each half of one culture and half of another…the older they get the more complicated this will become. But for now they are little and don’t totally understand what’s going on or how to process. They say their friends “will cry for them.” They say they don’t actually “want to go.” They think our family includes their cousin and why wouldn’t he be going to? And so many other things. In the midst of all this Molly is absolutely desperate for cold and snow. She thinks that’s what America means even when I explain. They want to see family but they think all the family can come to them.

I am so thankful my girls are not alone in this. They have the Lord going before them, they love Jesus and they can hold each other’s hands and stick together like they always do.