If

I was reflecting back on some notes I took from Amy Carmichael’s little book “If.” One in particular had really struck me, and I wrote it down.

“If in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”

I have been struggling to care for one particular patient in the hospital this past week. She is from way out in the village, probably in her teens, and has a two week old baby. I have been met with nothing but challenges in this situation. I feel like nothing I say or do is getting through to her…and her baby is suffering because of it. She was admitted to the hospital for a serious abdominal abscess, and had to have surgery. After the surgery she stopped nursing her baby - and then of course her milk production went down. By the time I realized what was happening she wasn’t producing much. With post-natal vitamins, decent food and lots of water, letting the baby at least try to nurse every two hours, her milk came back. But in the meantime the baby cried constantly from hunger, so the family took the baby away and were going to take him home to the village and give him medicine there. I managed to stop the ridiculous plan of separating the baby from the mom and got them to bring him back. After that, I started the baby on formula and continued to work with the young mom to get her breastfeeding regularly. It was so hard to get through to her. She would just stare at me with big eyes and an expressionless face. She would rarely respond, and it was a struggle to get her to hold and feed her baby. For several days in a row, the father would bring the baby to my house and stand outside with the crying baby until I came. Some mornings early I wouldn’t register the sound of the crying baby until he’d been standing there for more than 10 minutes. (We live in the hospital and it is almost always noisy around here). Some nights he’d come over late and just stand outside the house, not even knocking or asking to come in, he would wait for me to come out.

Right now I am tempted to be very frustrated with this situation, but the words Amy Carmichael wrote are reminding me to be patient and loving. If I am not - then….what do I know of love?